In this age of identity theft, who posts their private data online?  Certainly not me.  I’ve already had my share of death threats from exposing 3rd World spammers pretending to be accountants from Massachusetts. (Right, zeny888?)  So why would a social network run by Harvard grads not understand such a simple concept as the right to privacy.  Using your real name online is a serious mistake everyone should avoid unless you are already in the news.  Even then, you need a fake name to interact socially without overzealous fans stalking your every online move.  You don’t want your Facebook experience to end up on CNN.  So how do you avoid breaking the Facebook rule against ”providing any false personal information in your profile”.  In short, you can’t, because Facebook is run by morons.

I have numerous online friends.  Not one of them uses the name on their drivers license.  Some are stage names, nick names, or even a shortened form of their real name, like “Tim” instead of “Timothy”.  In my own case, I use the name “Turnip” as this is the name my friends know me by.  Over one year ago I created a Facebook page and then completely forgot about it.  Note that I can’t actually view my page linked above, but more on that later.  About 6 months after creating the first page, I added a page for my blog turnipofpower.com.  A few friends joined and that was that.  I didn’t actually use Facebook, but readers requested I “friend” them, so I did.  Now, here is where things get stupid.

Facebook allows advertisers to run ads at a reasonable rate.  Being an internet marketer, I decided to run some ads on Facebook and registered my credit card to pay for the advertising.  An intern approved my ads, and they began to run.  Suddenly my account was cancelled.  Not my ads, but my Facebook account itself.  The dreaded “Your account has been disabled by an administrator. If you have any questions or concerns, you can visit our FAQ page here”  message.  So I followed the link and got a reply.

Someone named “Gaston” replied.   Gaston had a complicated explanation and solution for me, which I followed to the letter.  Here is his reasoning “Per our Terms of Use, Facebook profiles must represent an individual. Users aren’t permitted to maintain an account under an organization’s name, or use personal accounts to advertise or promote themselves professionally. We apologize for the inconvenience, but you will no longer be able to use this account.”

OK, so Gaston set me up with a new account.  I resubmit all my ads, re-register my credit cards, and I think I’m up and running.  I might even get to review Facebook as a legitimate ad network.  Nope, wasn’t to be.  3 days later my account is frozen again.  Who would be so rude?  My friend “Gaston again”. 

Unfortunately, your new account under your email address was disabled as you used a fake name. Please provide me with your real name and I will re-enable your account for you.  If Turnip Smith is your real name, please attach an image of your driver’s license in a response to this email.”

So, I need to send some idiot a copy of my driver’s license. Someone named “Gaston”, with no last name, and probably a fake name, come to think about it. I got news for people, if you ever send your drivers license or other personal info through an email, you are an idiot. Email gets hacked, forwarded, and printed. The printed copy is then left on a desk, thrown out in the trash for any dumpster diver to see, or simply copied by the cleaning crew at night. Sorry Gaston, but the very fact you didn’t sign your email with your real name, address, and drivers license told me all I needed to know: Your company is run by idiots.

Now why hasn’t Facebook asked all 500 million of its other members using “fake” names for a copy of their driver’s license? That answer is easy. I committed the horrible crime of using a $25 coupon code to launch my advertising campaign. Yep, Gaston’s job is to ban anyone using Facebook coupon codes based upon any technicality he can. Even accounts he personally reinstated.

Facebook needs to wake up. My credit card is good. I spend a lot of money per year running ads. My crime? I’m not using my real name on Facebook because it would cost me my day job, endanger my family, and embarrass companies I perform consulting services for.  For over a year my account was good, but the second I enter a coupon online, I get banned, twice.   This is not the way to run an ad network.  Spammers creating fake accounts by the ten’s of thousands to play Mobwars is fine, but using the name I’m known by online isn’t.

So now “Gaston” reverted my new account to the old account, neither of which I can access.  I get a daily dose of viagra spam from Facebook and I can’t turn it off.  Why?  It says “Want to control which emails you receive from Facebook? Go to:http://www.facebook.com/editaccount.php“.   All of which brings me back to the original “Your account has been frozen”.  Guess what Facebook idiots, you are now in violation of the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003 which requires “A visible and operable unsubscribe mechanism is present in all emails.”  I cannot access my account, the mechanism is inoperable, I can’t stop your spam. 

Gaston will be hearing more about this, I can assure you.

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